Lydia Cruz’s ‘ABC-M’s of 2018’ Poem
Mar 29, 2018, 9:05 AM | Updated: Mar 30, 2018, 8:55 am
A new season begins today in the AL West
Angels, A’s, Adrian’s team and 2017’s best
Back to Boomstick blasts bound for batters’ eyes
Back to beers, bobbleheads and backwards K’s… the Big Maple kind
CTZ courtesy of Cano, Cruz and Corey’s brother
Controversially called curveballs and cutters courtesy of CB Bucknor
Doughnuts you can dip and Diaz dominating
Dipoto making deals like he’s straight Shark Tank-ing
Time to enjoy Eddie’s emaciated ERA
And eviscerating the Evil Empire
Feel the magic of first pitch
And a final boss that breathes fire
Gold Glove Gordon = GOOD
Gonzales = GOOD
Guillermo = GOOD
Remember that’s Heredia, silent H
Save the H for hot dogs, hydros and hair flips
I don’t believe it… It just continues
Ichiro, Ichiro, Ichiro
Just in time for jewel-toned jerseys and jackets
Jean, Jean the hitting machine playing on repeat in the background
Today King’s Court is called to order
All K cards, please rise
Scoring K’s on K’s on K’s, with the honorable King Felix presiding
Let’s see, we’ve got LeBlanc, Leake and Lawrence
And Lance Lynn… LOL, just kidding
Lydia somewhere out in left field, never booing
Launch angle laser shows
And of course Louie, Louie
My Oh My…
Is that a mature Maple Grove I see?
And some mix of Marc, Marco, Mel, Mike, Mike and Mike meeting on the mound
There will be new neck tattoos
And not-as-novel ’95 discussion
Plus all the nervous laughter you can handle
Guys, it’s Opening Day
The old time religion lives
Out of our way Ohtani, we’re coming for you October
With a playoff-worthy pen, it’s time to, “Play Ball!”
Quality starts, quality at-bats
Robbie racking up runs and Rick Rizzs on the radio
Rain or shine, rally caps out
Spring turns to summer, SPF needed
Sunshine and seeds and seventh-inning stretching
Thou shall not stand in our way trident or teal
Thrown out on the basebaths – I think not
But yes to Uncle Charlie
And no-doubt upper-deckers
Yes to the Vogie Hogie (I’m still trying to make that a thing)
And Vogelblasts in general
Gotta love walk-up songs, high WAR and low WHIP
It’s official, “Mariners Yard Work” is in business
And who better to lead the yard party than Mike Zunino
… Thank goodness Howdy fixed him
LISTEN: Lydia reads ‘ABC-Ms of 2018’ to Rick Rizzs