Predictions for the second half of the Mariners’ season

Brady Henderson, one of my many much-younger bosses at 710 ESPN Seattle, asked me to write a column with predictions for the second half of the Mariners’ season.

My initial reaction: “Brady, have you seen the weather today? Perfect for golf, not for writing.”

Next reaction: “Brady, have you ever listened to ‘Danny, Dave and Moore’? My predictions are always wrong. So why would you want me to do this? All it will do is give more fodder to the 253, 360, 206 and 509 to rip me on the Coors Light text line for being as far off-base as Kyle Seager was the other day in Kansas City.”

But I’m a company man who follows orders …

• Edwin Diaz will be named the new closer on Aug. 15 after Steve Cishek blows another save in Oakland. Cishek has been fair as a closer, and fair won’t cut it if the Mariners hope to stay in contention. Is Diaz too young and untested to be trusted in the ninth inning? Maybe, but his stuff is too good to not find out.

• Joaquin Benoit won’t be on the roster by the end of the year. Age will have caught up to him if it hasn’t already. He turns 39 on July 26.

• Felix Hernandez will be fantastic when he returns. Those concerns about Felix not being Felix anymore will disappear. In the stretch run, his two months off from a calf injury will help him be stronger in September.

• Kyle Seager will have more home runs than Nelson Cruz by the end of the year. This isn’t a Smokin’ Lock, it’s a Smokin’ Longshot. But if they took bets on this kind of thing, I’d take Seager at 8-1 odds to do it. He’s only five behind Cruz right now, 23-18, and takes a 13-game hitting streak into Friday’s game against the Astros.

• In the always aggravating category of base-running blunders, I’ll go with Robinson Cano to commit the next gaffe. He’s the overwhelming favorite, ending one game this year by being thrown out at second. Seager is also fully capable of future base-path buffoonery, as is Ketel Marte.

• Mike Zunino will become the starting catcher, replacing Chris Iannetta, who is averaging .218. Think Zunino’s reached the point of hitting at least .218 after his time in Tacoma? I do, too. Plus his defense is better than Iannetta’s, though I don’t have any major qualms with the Mariners’ current catcher. He’s the least of their issues.

• The Mariners will hold a “Dae Ho Lee Bobblehead Night” Sept. 20 against the Blue Jays because predicting the Mariners will hold a bobblehead night is the Smokingest Lock ever. It will be the first time in major-league history that a bobblehead is bigger than Houston’s Jose Altuve.

• Shannon Drayer will talk down to me Friday at Edgar’s Cantina when I tell her why Wade Miley should never pitch for the Mariners again if they hope to make the playoffs. She will explain that Miley has been really effective in certain innings against certain batters; I will say that he was advertised as an innings eater who isn’t eating enough innings, and in the ones he’s trying to eat, he’s serving up meatballs, and you’re paying $6 million for this? Drayer will run out of patience with me, and Dave Wyman will save the segment by asking a more appropriate question.

• On a related note, justifying my dissatisfaction with Miley, he will be moved to the bullpen after another awful start against the White Sox next week, and manager Scott Servais will announce that Mike Montgomery is replacing him in the rotation.

• During a “Bullpen Banter” interview for “Mariners Magazine,” Charlie Furbush will suffer some kind of mysterious setback while talking to Tom Wilhelmsen that causes general manager Jerry Dipoto to tell reporters that the left-handed reliever will be shut down for the season.

• In an off-the-record conversation with Ryan Divish of The Seattle Times, after a couple of Manny’s Pale Ales at Henry’s Tavern, Dipoto will say: “Ya know, Ryan, I might have screwed up by trading Mark Trumbo for a backup catcher. Sometimes I value that control-the-zone stuff a little too much.”

• Franklin Gutierrez will announce his retirement at the end of the season.

• In spite of a plus-51 run differential and the return of Hernandez and Taijuan Walker, suggesting a promising second half, the Mariners will post a winning record, but 84-78 won’t be good enough to put them in the playoffs.

The Go 2 Guy also writes for SeattlePI.com and KitsapSun.com. You can reach Jim at jimmoorethego2guy@yahoo.com and follow him on Twitter @cougsgo.